November 5, 2009

NaNoWriMo, how you slay me!

So, I'm doing it. I'm writing a novel in a month. Or, at least, that's what I'm telling people. But I have this problem, you see.
I have a broken Committer Box.
This condition is very rare in women. Most women have Over-Active Commitment Syndrome, which leads them to say yes to everything because they don't want to disappoint people.
Broken Committer Syndrome, on the other hand, leads to lots of hemming and hawing, lots of "maybes" and "I'll-try-to-make-it's," and is signaled by the famous non-committal "we should hang out some time." Oddly enough, most non-committers will say no (or maybe) to everything because they don't want to disappoint people.
In my particular case, I have tried to battle this disease by consciously committing--verbally at least. "Yes," I say through gritted teeth, giving my Committer Box the evil eye, "I WILL be there, I WILL write a novel in a month..." My Committer Box stares at me like a belligerent teenager. "Whatever, dude," it says ever so non-committedly, "I'm watching Castle."
Not that I am completely incapable of committing. It's just that my Committer Box only has two settings-- off and 100%. By way of example, I broke up with a husband about once a month intermittently for the first six months we knew each other. Then I decided one day that I loved him and did want to be with him. Two months later we were engaged. I can go from 0-married in .5 seconds. That's just the way it works. I have a similar history with papers. I am notorious for changing my topic fifteen times, hemming and hawing, writing bad outlines, skipping project requirements and then bam- day before it's due, I lock myself in the library and produce a masterpiece.
It's weird. It's like something in me just doesn't turn on until crunch time, like a lazy actor sleeping off stage until the stage manager tells him, "you're on!" Then he springs to theatrical brilliance, surprising everyone, especially himself.
So. Here we are, day 5 of NaNoWriMo and I am 2463 behind. Of course, if I work this blog into my novel, I’ll only be 2057 words behind. Hey, it could work. I could start a trend. Meta-noveling.
If you’ll excuse me for now, I’m off to find other fun and interesting ways to procrastinate. And please contact me if you have the number of a good Committer Box repair man.